I met him when I was still in my teens. He was this scrawny little guy who just sat in one corner with his head buried in some magazine whilst his best friend , best friend's girlfriend and her friends were busy yapping away to glory. And so once we were introduced and all the pleasantries exchanged, i went back to fighting with his best friend. Little did I know then that i had just met THE guy who would hold my heart forever. Little did I know that buried in that magazine was my every joy and every sorrow. And so meeting up with this bunch of people became a routine. Hanging out with him was something i dreaded after the first day. But somewhere along the way it became the highlight of my day. He was witty, sarcastic to the core, smart , good looking and also TAKEN! well, so was I. So we drifted along as really good friends. Our friends broke up. But we still stayed friends. We broke up with our respective partners. But we still stayed friends. And then one fine day when i decided to date someone else, he popped up to tell me that it was a rebound and i shouldn't go ahead with it. To be completely honest. he was right. But I just couldn't understand why HE was so irritated about it. So I went ahead with it anyways only to realise later that he'd been right all along. Let me tell you this, talking to him is the most fun thing I've ever done. I shoudl've known then that it was love. But the smart ass that i am , i just never saw it. And slowly i started crushing on him. Or rather, i admitted to myself that i've had a crush on him for a long time now. And one fine day, he asked me out. FINALLY! I tried to tell him that it would be a mess if we broke up. I really didn't want to lose such a close friend of mine. But the stupid optimistic that i am , i decided to go ahead with it anyways. But, alas! I turned out to be just a rebound for him. It hurt....like crazy....and it continues to hurt....what i dint realize was that i had been in love with him all along. He went on to fall head over heels in love with this amazing person. But,somehow I am still in love with him. It's been 5 years since i met him...4 since i fel in love with him...2 since he broke my heart.....But I doubt any guy will ever get to that special place he got to. He and I are really good friends now. But i continue to love him. Let's just hope he never finds out.
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Monday, 7 November 2011
forever ....
Nothing seems real anymore
My boat seems to have lost it's oar!
To find temporary solace in something and then come crashing down when it gets whisked away from under your feet is really quite an experience. For how long do I ignore this thing that I know to be true. Waiting for reality to settle in is just too much of a task. Do I miss you? Has my life lost it's direction? Am I confused as to what to do? "YES" to all of the above questions. And a big NO to whether this is a rant about a lost boyfriend.
I stood there and watched you sleep peacefully. Freed forever from this cruel world which discriminates on the basis of caste, social standing, colour, success and what not! I just stood there and watched you walk away from me into the darkness from where you shall never return. I should've stopped you but somehow my legs froze, my throat constricted and my head felt dazed. Separation is a mighty difficult thing. I often wonder where you are and whether you can see me. Are you sitting right next to me or are you far far away? Why does it seem so unreal? Why does it seem like just a bad dream. Why ,then, aren't you around to tell me you love me? Why doesn't my phone flash your name anymore? I didn't even get to talk to you proper one last time. Just to let you know that I love you more than anything under the sun. Just so I can tell you that you're THE most important person on the planet for me. Just so I could apologise to you for being such a cranky bitch. But I know that I loved you tonnes. I know I should've been around a little more. I should've been more understanding. I don't know what to do anymore. I just miss you so much. You were my baby. The thought of not being able to see you again, hear your voice again seems so unreal. How do I come to terms with it? How do I live on knowing that my baby's gone for good? The thought just drives me mad!
There were people bustling all around me. People coming and going. And you can't help but wonder how many of them really care. And then you wonder whether any of that really matters anymore. The wait was excruciating. The sight unbearable. So what does one do when their life gets turned upside down? Try and deal with it? Yes, I've heard that one tonnes of times. But Just how am I to deal with it? Keeping myself busy just doesn't work because it takes all my strength just to make sure I sound alright. So what is it that makes you get so attached to someone that you take them for granted and then sit and regret every moment you din't spend with them? How can I undo all the times I hurt your tiny little heart which was full of love for everyone around. Why didn't anybody see it? Why couldn't anyone sense that you were this lovely person who couldn't hurt a soul even if you wanted to? And if God did exist how is it justifiable that he put you through all that misery when all these people who are cruel and wicked lead a peaceful life . How is anything meaningful anymore.
And i sit here,day after day, waiting to sense you! Until we meet again....
Love you baby...with all my heart!
My boat seems to have lost it's oar!
To find temporary solace in something and then come crashing down when it gets whisked away from under your feet is really quite an experience. For how long do I ignore this thing that I know to be true. Waiting for reality to settle in is just too much of a task. Do I miss you? Has my life lost it's direction? Am I confused as to what to do? "YES" to all of the above questions. And a big NO to whether this is a rant about a lost boyfriend.
I stood there and watched you sleep peacefully. Freed forever from this cruel world which discriminates on the basis of caste, social standing, colour, success and what not! I just stood there and watched you walk away from me into the darkness from where you shall never return. I should've stopped you but somehow my legs froze, my throat constricted and my head felt dazed. Separation is a mighty difficult thing. I often wonder where you are and whether you can see me. Are you sitting right next to me or are you far far away? Why does it seem so unreal? Why does it seem like just a bad dream. Why ,then, aren't you around to tell me you love me? Why doesn't my phone flash your name anymore? I didn't even get to talk to you proper one last time. Just to let you know that I love you more than anything under the sun. Just so I can tell you that you're THE most important person on the planet for me. Just so I could apologise to you for being such a cranky bitch. But I know that I loved you tonnes. I know I should've been around a little more. I should've been more understanding. I don't know what to do anymore. I just miss you so much. You were my baby. The thought of not being able to see you again, hear your voice again seems so unreal. How do I come to terms with it? How do I live on knowing that my baby's gone for good? The thought just drives me mad!
There were people bustling all around me. People coming and going. And you can't help but wonder how many of them really care. And then you wonder whether any of that really matters anymore. The wait was excruciating. The sight unbearable. So what does one do when their life gets turned upside down? Try and deal with it? Yes, I've heard that one tonnes of times. But Just how am I to deal with it? Keeping myself busy just doesn't work because it takes all my strength just to make sure I sound alright. So what is it that makes you get so attached to someone that you take them for granted and then sit and regret every moment you din't spend with them? How can I undo all the times I hurt your tiny little heart which was full of love for everyone around. Why didn't anybody see it? Why couldn't anyone sense that you were this lovely person who couldn't hurt a soul even if you wanted to? And if God did exist how is it justifiable that he put you through all that misery when all these people who are cruel and wicked lead a peaceful life . How is anything meaningful anymore.
And i sit here,day after day, waiting to sense you! Until we meet again....
Love you baby...with all my heart!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)